Phoenix Jones // BluePhoenixBirb

I smile happily as I walk into the kitchen with a pep in my step. I walk up to Mother and put a hand on her shoulder, “Goodbye Mama, I’m off to school.” I kiss her on the cheek. 

My mother, Sarah Black, is the best person in the world. She always knows what to say and how to make me feel loved and cared for. She has blond hair and hazel eyes.

“Have a blessed day my love.” She smiles back

I continue my way out of the house where I meet Isaac in his car. Isaac Jr, named after Father, is my older brother by three years. He looks just like Father; neat black hair and green eyes. I’m not allowed to get my driver’s license until Father deems me ready. Because that hasn’t happened yet, Isaac must drive me to school. 

“Good morning Isaac,” I say while getting into the car. 

“Morning, you know, it’ll be hard for Father to find you a bride if you don’t bulk up. You’re 17, soon Father will start looking for your bride, you need to start acting like a man. Stop cooking with Mother.” He says looking at the road as he drives to school. 

I look down at my hands and frown. I don’t want to let Father down. But I’m sure he’ll love me either way. I think

“Do good in school today. Make Father proud,” Isaac says as he pulls to a stop in front of the school. I nod at him and get out of the car. 

St. Francis. A private Christian school where all my siblings go or have gone. Father says that it’s the only place that he trusts to keep us kids safe. Although I’m sure if he and Mother had the time to, we would be homeschooled. 

I look around at the many students that stand in front of the doors, waiting for them to open. “Mason, where are you” I mumble and sigh. 

Mason, my best friend. I’m not sure what it is, but every time he is near me, my stomach feels like it’s going to leave my body. My heart squeezes when he smiles. I dream about him. I smile while thinking about him. I let out an ‘oof’ as something lands on my back. 

“You really need to watch your back, man,” Mason says while coming around to stand next to me. We have the same shaggy hairstyle but his hair is brown while mine is blond, his eyes are bright blue. Their sparkle is something that almost never leaves my mind. 

“I don’t need to watch my back. I have you for that.” I say causing Mason’s face to get a little pink. Before I can say anything about it, Mason drags me into the school. 

—

Most days after school Mason and I get a head start on our homework before Isaac comes to pick me up. Mason lives a few blocks away from us so Isaac drives him closer to home, sometimes even right to his house. We choose different spots around the campus to work, today we picked behind the school next to the faculty parking lot. 

I have my homework in my lap when I feel eyes on me, I look up and see Mason staring at me. When he sees me look, he looks back at his work. I look at him and he looks back and takes a breath.

“Andy, I need to tell you something.” I turn my body to face him and nod.

“Is something wrong, Mason?” I ask

Mason shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “I-I know your parents don’t want you to know about stuff like this and I know you’re going to reject me but,” I look at him confused. Why would I reject him? “Every time I look at you I feel like my heart is going to jump out just to get to you. Andy. I really like you. Like, like you like you.” I smile wide at his words.

“That’s what these feelings are,” I mumble under my breath. “Mason I feel the same! I like you too!” I say to Mason who blushes and leans closer to me, our faces were inches apart. 

“C-Can I kiss you?” He asks, I don’t know what to do other than nod slowly. Mason smiles and leans in, bringing our lips together. I bring my hands up to his face as he brings his to the back of my neck, holding me to the kiss. Our lips dance together softly but break apart when a gasp is heard. 

“What do you think you’re doing?! I’ll be contacting your parents immediately.” Mrs. Bun says holding her hand to her chest in shock. She has her purse with her so she must’ve been leaving and saw us. Before we can say anything, she runs back into the building. 

My breathing picks up and my chest feels tight. “Mason. What do we do?” I ask, Mason puts his hands on my shoulders calmly.

“Andy, it’s gonna be alright. Breathe. Now, first things first. I like you and you like me, right?” he asks and I nod with a small smile as I catch my breath. “Alright, do you like anyone else the way you like me?” I shake my head. “Would you like to be my boyfriend? That means that we can’t kiss other people.” 

I nod enthusiastically with a big grin, this has him bringing me in for another short kiss. 

“Have you ever felt like this towards anyone else? Any girls?” He asks

I shake my head and look down, “I know it’s bad but I never look at girls the way I do boys. T-the way I look at you.” I blush.

Mason gently puts his hands on my cheeks and lifts my face so our eyes meet. “It’s not bad Andy. You were born like this. God made you this way.” I nod as he continues, “Normally I wouldn’t want you to label yourself so soon. Bun has us moving faster than usual.” I nod again and hold Mason’s hand. “Based on what you’ve said. You’re gay, um, this means you are a boy that likes boys.” 

My jaw drops slightly, “So what do I do?” I ask

Mason looks down sadly. “I don’t want you to do anything that will hurt you, but maybe it’s best you tell your family before Bun does?” 

I nod and hold his face gently in my hands. “I’ll tell my family. They love me and still will after I tell them, even if I did kiss before courting.” I say, Mason makes a confused face at ‘courting’, and I smile. “I’ll be open and honest. Everything will go great.”

—

I nervously play with my fingers as I walk into the kitchen. “Mama?” she turns away from the sink and smiles at me. 

“What is it my love?” she asks. My stiff shoulders loosen; Mother always has a way of calming me down. I step forward until I’m next to her. I try to find the words I want but fail and look down. Mother puts a hand on my cheek, “Andy, whatever it is will not change anything. I will love you forever, no matter what.” 

Her words cause my eyes to water and I hug her. “Mama, I-I’m gay and I’m in love with Mason,” I whisper into her shoulder.

Her hand rubs my back as she asks, “Does he make you happy?” I nod, she pulls me off her shoulder and smiles at me. “Then that is all that matters. As long as you are happy then I am happy. I love you, baby.”

“I love you too Mama. I need to tell the others… and Father.” 

She looks concerned, “Are you sure? Why rush things?” she asks causing me to blush. 

“Um, Mrs. Bun may have left a message about catching Mason and I together… K-kissing.” I say making her sigh and shake her head with a playful smile. 

—

I stand in front of the TV while my siblings and Mother sit on the mismatched couches and chairs. From left to right sits Sue in Father’s chair, Mother with Jacob in her lap, Isaac, Emily, Jaden, and Amy. 

Sue has blond hair like Mother and blue eyes. Jacob has blond baby fuzz and grey-blue eyes. Emily looks just like Mother with blond hair and hazel-grey eyes. Jaden has black hair and eyes that change sometimes based on his mood, blue, green, and hazel-grey. Finally Amy with black hair and blue eyes. 

“Andy. Why are we here? We don’t need to hear what you have planned for the boys’ choir.” Emily says crossing her arms in annoyance. 

Mother gives her a stern look and says, “Emily, be nice to your brother.” 

“I have something I want to share, but we need to wait for Father,” I explain.

Isaac nods happily, “Good, you know that he needs to know things. Saves me time from telling him myself.”

Father enters and I quickly run to him and drag him to the living room, “Father! Good, you’re here. I have news.” 

Father makes an annoyed face and says, “Can this wait until I’ve checked my messages?” 

“Welcome home, dear. Just hear him out. It will only take a moment.” Mother greets Father, his face softens at her and he nods while sitting in his sit, moving Sue to his lap.

I take a deep breath, “I’m gay… and I’m in love with Mason Smith. He loves me too a-and I plan to court him.”

The room is silent as I wait for a response, everyone looks shocked. Sue is the one that breaks the silence and says, “You’re silly Andy. You can’t court a boy.” Her giggles break Father from his shock, he stands and sets Sue back in the chair. 

“I will not have a son that chooses to lay with another man. I refuse to accept that my son would choose Hell over Heaven with his family. I will not allow this. Not in my family.” Father says as he starts to walk toward me slowly. 

“Isaac? What are you doing?” Mother asks holding her hand to her heart. Father ignores her and he grabs my arm roughly. 

“You will not go to Hell, my son. I will save you.” 

—

I’m sitting at my desk in my room when I hear a knock at my door. I look up to see Isaac leaning in the doorway. 

“Are you even going to act like you’re sorry? Do you know what you’re doing to the family? To Father?” He asks glaring at me.

“I can’t help it, Isaac. It is who I am. I love Mason and he loves me.” 

Isaac scoffs at the mention of Mason. “Really? Father just finished talking with Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Your little ‘lover’ said he never wants to see you again. That he never really liked you at all. He wanted to trap you. Trick you.” His words cause tears to trail down my face and I shake my head. 

“He… He loves me. He wouldn’t say that.” 

Isaac crosses his arms, “This is what Father is trying to protect you from. So don’t fight when the van comes for you in the morning. We are going to cure you.”

Isaac closes my bedroom door with a smile. I wipe my eyes and try to stop crying. My eyes dart across my desk as I think. Why would Isaac say those things? Mason does love me. I know he does, he wouldn’t lie. Does that mean that Isaac lied? Why would he lie?

I nod my head and get up from the desk. I grab my book bag and dump all my school stuff out and fill it with some clothes. I walk to the window but freeze as I think of Mother. 

I sit back down at the desk and get some paper and a pen. 

Dear Mama, 

I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a proper goodbye. One that you deserve. Isaac told me that Father spoke with the Smiths. He said that Mason didn’t love me. Don’t worry though, I know Mason loves me. But Isaac said that Father has sent for people to come and take me away. Away from Mason and from you. He said that they were going to fix me but I don’t need to be fixed. I will write to you where ever I go, I promise. You were the only one to love and accept me as I am.

I love you, Mama

Goodbye

When I finish writing I fold the letter and write Mother’s name on the front. I go to the window and climb out, thankful that my room was on the first floor. 

I had spent way more time in my room than I thought, it was now dark, the sun gone from the sky. Thankfully, the moon was bright enough for me to see. 

I start to walk through the trees towards the road. If I can find the road I can make it to Mason’s house easily. 

“What are you doing?” The voice makes me freeze, I turn around and see Isaac standing about ten feet from me. “You’re leaving? Do you really want to hurt Father like this? Mother?” He steps forward and I step back, trying to keep the distance. “I won’t let you. You may not care about this family, but I do. I won’t let you go to Hell. You’re coming to Heaven with us, whether you like it or not.”

Isaac jumps forward and tries to grab me, I quickly turn away and start to run to the road. I let out an ‘oof’ as I fall to the ground, I turn to see that I tripped over a root. Before I can get up Isaac catches up to me and grabs my left foot, dragging me back to the house. 

“You’re sick little brother. We are trying to help you. Save you. Don’t you want to be saved?” He asks as I struggle against him. 

“I’m not sick! I’m in love! I don’t need to be saved! Let me go!” I pull my right leg up to my chest. “Isaac… I’m sorry.” I say before I kick my foot into Isaac’s lower back. He releases me and yelps in pain. I don’t bother looking back as I run to the road. I don’t stop running until I’m in Mason’s front yard. 

I knock on the front door and only wait a few seconds before the door opens. Mrs. Smith is the one to greet me. “Andy! Come in! Come in! Mason is upstairs in his room, you can go right up.” She smiles at me and I smile back. 

I walk up the stairs and enter Mason’s room without knocking. “Andy? What are you doing here?” He asks as I close the door. I walk to the bed and sit down with him. He grabs my hand and smiles softly. 

“I told my family. I came out to them.” He gives me a worried look at my words.

“What happened Andy?” he asks causing my eyes to water.

“Mother accepted me, said that she loved me. B-but Father wanted to send me somewhere to fix me.” Mason squeezes my hand and brings it to his lips. “I wrote a letter to Mother… and I left. Isaac tried to stop me and I-I had to hurt him to get away.” I’m not able to stop the tears from spilling from my eyes.

“You had to get away Andy, it’s not your fault,” he says, I just look down at my lap causing him to sigh. “Wait here. I’ll handle this.” Before I’m able to protest, Mason leaves the room. 

After a couple of minutes, he comes back and says, “I just talked to my mom. She’s talking to my Aunt May who lives upstate.” As he speaks he packs a bag, “We are going to go up there. This is the first place your family is going to check so we need to leave right now.” He grabs my hand and drags me down the stairs to the front porch. 

“Alright mom, we are ready. Everything is set up for Aunt May right?” He asks

Mrs. Smith nods and with teary eyes says, “Promise me you boys will be safe.”

Mason rolls his eyes but nods with a smile, “Mom everything will be fine. I promise.” 

She nods and hugs Mason and then hugs me too. She hands Mason a thick-looking envelope. “This should have enough money to get you two to your Aunt May and to keep up going until you get jobs.” 

Mason takes it and then holds his hand out to me. I take his hand in mine and he leads us to his Mother’s car. We put our bags in the back and get settled into the front seat. 

Mason looks at me with love in his eyes. “Ready to start our lives together?” He asks, I’m unable to keep the cheesy grin from my lips. Instead of saying anything, I nod enthusiastically. He smiles at me and leans over to kiss my lips before he starts to drive us into the next chapter of our lives.